From time to time on this blog, I'll offer a writing exercise for my readers who are writers trying to improve. These exercises will supplement those found in Weinberg on Writing: The Fieldstone Method
Today's exercise i designed to force you to become more conscious of your word choices.
The Missing Letter
1. Pick a letter at random.
2. Write or rewrite without using that letter. (Several novels have been written without the letter "e," so don't slip out of this exercise by saying it's impossible. See, for example,
Stumpers: Novels with No E
If it seems to hard, start with an easy letter, like Q or X, then work up to something harder, like
Example, original paragraph:
Anger, for a consultant, is a costly luxury, and I am by nature somewhat of a cheapskate. By eliminating there-then-them anger, I cut my angry outbursts in half. By noticing my pattern of anger escalation, I dampen nine-tenths of the remaining half to the point where it doesn't interfere with my consulting practice. That leaves only about 5 per cent of the angry episodes I used to have, just one in twenty. Although this seems a dramatic improvement in frequency, it doesn't result in an equally dramatic improvement in the cost of my angry outbursts.
Rewritten without the letter "n":
At my job, rage is a costly luxury, yet I am by temper somewhat of a cheapskate. If I remove place-time-creature rage, I reduce my irate outbursts by half. If I observe the growth of my fury, I am able to muffle most of the residue so I am able to do my job without obstacle. That leaves very few of the wrathful episodes I used to have, about three out of sixty. Although this seems to be dramatic progress, it fails to produce equally dramatic progress with the cost of my furious outbursts.
Challenge:
So, there it is. I invite you to comment with letter-free paragraphs of your own. Let's see if we can cover (or hide) every letter of the alphabet. I've done n. Who's going to do "a"? (Once you see an a-less paragraph, try b-less, and continue through the alphabet.)
Sunday, April 09, 2006
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25 comments:
Jerry -- thanks for posting this, it's very inspirational. Here's an attempt at rewriting the paragraph in question without the letter 'a':
"Fury, for someone who is in the consulting business, is one of the costliest luxuries -- especially for the miser who lurks in me. By getting rid of there-then-them fury, I cut my resentful outbursts by 50 percent. By noticing my rules for fury intensification, I suppress nine-tenths of the other 50 percent to the point where it doesn't interfere with my consulting business. In consequence, I need to confront only roughly 5 percent of the fury episodes I used to exhibit, just one in twenty. Even though this seems to be one huge improvement in frequency, it doesn't reduce the cost of my furious outbursts to the degree I hoped for."
(one observation regarding your post: the references you intended to give do not appear in the post)
Ooops, one 'a' left in 'intensification'....let me get rid of it by replacing it with 'strengthening"....and one 'a' left in 'especially', replaced with 'even more so':
"Fury, for someone who is in the consulting business, is one of the costliest luxuries -- even more so for the miser who lurks in me. By getting rid of there-then-them fury, I cut my resentful outbursts by 50 percent. By noticing my rules for fury strengthening, I suppress nine-tenths of the other 50 percent to the point where it doesn't interfere with my consulting business. In consequence, I need to confront only roughly 5 percent of the fury episodes I used to exhibit, just one in twenty. Even though this seems to be one huge improvement in frequency, it doesn't reduce the cost of my furious outbursts to the degree I hoped for."
Okay, now someone do a paragraph without "b."
And, take a hint from Greg's problem and check your paragraph with your search function for "b".
Grig, thanks for pointing out about the reference. I'll check it out and see if I can fix it.
I'm not sure if changing the metaphor constitutes playing in accordance with the rules. If it does...
Anger is a natural catastrophe for someone in the consulting field. Since I'm averse to risk, I don't like to erect my emotional structures on the fault lines of rage. When I stop thinking in terms of there-them-then, I cut my tempermental earthquakes by 50 per cent. When I notice the other rules that trigger my anger, I can resist almost all of the other 50 per cent, to the point where the occasional tremor doesn't interfere with my practice. As a result, I only have to deal with one-twentieth of the episodes that I used to. However, even though this might seem like a huge improvement, it's still not up to the solid foundation that I'd like to work towards.
---Michael B. (oh, dammit)
I eliminated "b."
Anger is a costly luxury for most consultants. My natural tendency is to live somewhat as a cheapskate so I naturally initiated a program to track incidents with the hope of reducing my costs. I eliminated my there-then-them anger, which cut my anger incidents in half. I noticed my anger escalation was the vast majority of the remaining one-half of my anger incidents so I dampened those nine-tenths. That leaves me only 5 percent of the angry episodes I used to have, just one in twenty. Although this seems a dramatic reduction in frequency, it surprisingly doesn't result in an equally dramatic reduction in cost.
Okay, that takes care of a and b. (Sorry about your initial, Michael. I lose on b, too. Actually, I would have lost on n if I'd signed my name.
So, readers, c should be easy. D, harder. E, a challenge. But start with c.
Without “c”
Anger, for a business advisor, is an expensive luxury, and I am by nature somewhat of a tightwad. By eliminating there-then-them anger, I shrink my angry outbursts by half. By paying attention to my pattern of anger rate of gain, I dampen nine-tenths of the remaining half to the point where it doesn't interfere with my mentoring business. That leaves only about one in twenty of the angry episodes I used to have. Although this seems a great improvement in lessening the number of episodes, it doesn't result in an equally obvious improvement in lessening the monetary loss from my angry outbursts.
As surmised, a version without the third letter of the roman alphabet was not too mentally taxing, although expressing that point without that same letter appearing required some extra thought.
As dgc said, the "c-less" exercises wasn't too intellectually challenging, yet still led to the kind of focus writers need to craft their way out of corners.
So, who's going to do "d"? I suspect it's going to be slightly harder.
Question:
What does "there-then-them" mean in the phrase "there-then-them anger" in the original of the Writing Blog exercise?
I can’t quite determine the meaning of that phrase from the context.
I've posted a reply to dgc's question on my consulting blog.
Take a look.
I took on the "e" invitation. It was difficult.
An angry outburst, such as saying "goddamn..." is a costly luxury for any consultant. Sponsors pay consultants for sound conduct and opinions -- not angry outbursts. A part of my mind is naturally stingy, it loudly said, "No," to losing sponsors and softly said, "log all angry outbursts." My log would unshroud my angry outbursts. I was blaming things away from my own body and mind -- things I can own and control -- for my thoughts. I took back my right to own my thoughts, which cut my outbursts by 50%. I did additional analysis of my log, I saw again and again angry thoughts snowball from small things to big things. I put a stop to this snowballing, which cut an additional 45% out of my angry outbursts. I thought I was looking good, but my stingy part's analysis hit with a thud: Although only 5%, 1 in 20, of my original angry outbursts now occur, my cost hadn't shrunk much. My conclusion is that any angry outburst is a high-cost pyroclastic display unworthy of a consultant.
Without “d”
Anger, for a consultant, is a costly luxury, even more so for those such as I since I am by nature somewhat of a cheapskate. By eliminating there-then-them anger, I cut my angry outbursts in half. By noticing my pattern of anger escalation, I muffle nine-tenths of the remaining half to the point where it will not interfere with my consulting practice. That leaves only about 5 per cent of the angry occurrences I am wont to have, just one in twenty. Although this seems a striking improvement in frequency, it won’t result in an equally striking improvement in the cost of my angry outbursts.
Lessons: Gracefully removing from any text the most ubiquitous connective in English, which the symbol “&” represents, can be a challenge. It is unclear, however, whether using “&” in the new text might have been seen as a rule violation since the pronunciation of the symbol, in what ever way we might attempt that feat, results in the inclusion of the verboten letter. Other changes in this exercise were more on the lines of simple vocabulary substitutions.
I'll offer an alternate "e"-less entry later.
Without "e" - a variant submission
A wrathful outburst, for a consultant, is a costly luxury, and I am by inclination mostly a tightwad. By staving off wrath of a kind "in that location"-"back in an historical past"-"distant third-party participants," I cut my angry outbursts in half. By noticing my habitual ways of additional wrath production, I cut almost all of any of that half sticking around to a point at which it will not so much cut into my consulting ways. Thus I am now having to account for only tiny bits of occasional angry outbursts from my prior history, a small fraction of all in that lot. Although this might look as if I am attaining a dramatic gain in diminishing my total count, it will not bring about an analogous dramatic diminution in any cost of my angry outbursts.
Ruminations on my assay: If said out loud, it sounds much as if a poor translation from a fantastic, old idiomatic vocabulary with many odd and funny circumlocutions. It is most difficult to say anything arightly and straightforwardly without our most common non-consonant.
I'll take on 'f':
Anger, in consulting, is a costly luxury, and I am by nature somewhat cheap. By eliminating there-then-them anger, I halved my angry outbursts. By noticing the patterns in my anger escalation, I dampen nine-tenths the remaining outbursts, to the point where it doesn't damage my consulting practice. That leaves only about one in twenty angry episodes that I'd previously have had, a mere 5 per cent. Although this seems a dramatic improvement in occurrences, it doesn't result in an equally dramatic improvement in costs due to my angry outbursts.
I thought the phrasing "nine-tenths the remaining outbursts" was slightly awkward, but acceptable.
Without "g"
Furious wrath, for a consultant, is a costly luxury, and I am by nature somewhat of a cheapskate. By elimination of there-ten-them wrath, I cut my irate outbursts in half. By observance of my pattern of intemperate ire escalation, I dampen nine-tenths of the left-over half to the point where it doesn't interfere with my business advice practice. That leaves only about 5 per cent of the choleric episodes I used to have, just one in twenty. Even if this seems improvement in frequency, it doesn't result in an equally dramatic improvement in the cost of my wrothful outbursts.
Lesson: In our native idiom, it is especially difficult to see, let alone eschew, the forbidden letter here in the initial text when it occurs in at the end of any word equivalent to a Latin verbal noun or equivalent to a Latin adjectival form that serves as the future passive participle used as a means to express necessity or fitness.
While waiting for someone to tackle an “h”-less submission – an ‘ell of a task I ‘ope someone takes up – I can note something this type of exercise taught me when I applied it to a passage I had written some while back.
Here’s the passage:
“Pressure and stress. Their causes are many and contradictory. Certainty can stress, but so can uncertainty. Knowledge and ignorance; accidents and inevitabilities; decisiveness and wavering . . . the list seems endless. Hindsight may help bring clarity; it may also bring the endless pain of “what if I had” or “why didn’t I see.” For even the most brutally honest hindsight is just that. It cannot alter the past.”
I found this among some flotsam and jetsam buried in a never completed work on my computer, and I am no longer sure of why I wrote this passage. Still, I wanted to try the rewrite exercise on it at least once each for the standard five vowels. I do not need to reproduce here those rewritten pieces; but I do want to mention something I noted while I was formulating the last entry – the one for the letter “u.”
During that attempt, I finally noticed that the third sentence (“Certainty can stress, but so can uncertainty”) needed reversing. That is, it is not likely the case that many people would necessarily immediately agree that “certainty” is a cause of stress; however, it is quite likely that many would agree “uncertainty” is stressful.
Also, if I reverse that sentence, then I needed to look carefully at what follows to ensure the pairs of items parallel the lead-in sentence.
Had I not been attempting this writing exercise I would likely never have noticed these issues. By forcing me to think about alternate ways of saying things under arbitrary restrictions, the exercise let me “see” what I had actually written and how it did not make perfect sense.
It is very difficult for an author to read his or her original work carefully. One of the benefits of writing exercises such as this one is that it provides a means by which an author can read the writing he or she produced with greater attention. Yet even with that benefit, note it was my fifth attempts before I finally saw the problem.
Jerry,
I did your Writing Exercise 1. The Missing Letter"
Here is my version of the Gettysburg address without "e"s. There is certainly no improvement :-) But it was fun to do. This "silly" exercise did require me to think in a different direction.
I call it "Why we don't remove the 'e's from the Gettysburg Address!"
Charles Adams
---
One of the links to Lincoln's address:
"h t t p : / / columbia.thefreedictionary.com/Gettysberg+address"
My Rewrite without 'e's
Not too long ago our first immigrants brought forth on this land, a nation built on Rights that proclaims no individual holds
additional status within our laws.
Our country is in a civil war; a trial to find out if any nation so built can last. Standing on this land North and South fought
about. All at this location proclaim a portion of this land as a final point for individuals who paid all that our nation might go
on. It is fitting that this should occur.
Nobody can proclaim - nobody can hallow -this land. It is by now holy in fact by work of individuals who stood and fought on this
land. Nothing can add to it. Our words on this land will turn to dust and blow away. What was fought for and all actions on this
ground shall always touch us and always touch all who follow us. It is for us living, to hold faith, to all who fought and thus far so nobly brought forward. It is for us to walk on this trail and hold faith to finish all tasks at hand, all of its parts-and show our faith growing to hallowing all individuals who put all into this task. Our growing faith on this walk forward will show that all
who fought did not lay down in vain. That this nation shall grasp victory and that this nation of law from us, by us, for us, shall not go away.
###
In case anyone is interested, I did a little analysis. Paste the table below into Excel and use "text to columns" for easier reading.
letter orig mod delta
a 37 30 -7
b 6 12 6
c 14 10 -4
d 8 8 0
e 50 46 -4
f 10 16 6
g 11 6 -5
h 19 17 -2
i 32 23 -9
j 1 2 1
k 1 1 0
l 14 14 0
m 17 17 0
n 42 0 -42
o 27 34 7
p 9 7 -2
q 2 1 -1
r 25 26 1
s 24 28 4
t 51 41 -10
u 17 21 4
v 4 5 1
w 4 6 2
x 1 2 1
y 16 14 -2
z 0 0 0
Notice that Jerry's second attempt uses 55 fewer letters overall, and that neither version includes a "Z".
The number of some letters (k, m, l, z, and d) didn't change between the versions.
I propose re-writing the whole passage, but use only 1's and 0's. Extra credit if you can do it with only 1's (seriously, I can write it with a single unbroken, unformatted string of 1's).
I realize that my analysis is not in keeping with the spirit of the exercise, but I can't help but wonder, anytime I'm asked to minimize some variable, what other variables I will have to disturb, and what the payoff on those might be.
James Bach's interesting analysis really strikes home for me. It's not, as he says, in the spirit of the exercise (which is to make your writing more conscious), but, then again, it is in the spirit. Later, I'll give another exercise that's quite in line with James's analysis, but let's let this on run its course first.
no 'h' !
If it's a wrong kind of englis(h) it could be because i'm dutc(h). But I enjoyed trying.
Anger, for a consultant, is a costly luxury, and I am by nature someone to turn every penny twice. By eliminating anger stemming from situations from earlier, not located nearby and concerning people not currently present, I lessen my angry outbursts by a factor two. By noticing my pattern of anger escalation, I dampen ninety percent of anger still remaining until it doesn't influence my consulting practice. To summarize: by doing so I've reduced my angry episodes to 5 per cent, 1 out of 20. Even if it seems a dramatic improvement in frequency, it doesn't result in an equally dramatic improvement of financial implications of my angry outbursts.
Well done, Tom. H is difficult to eliminate, even for native speakers of Englis(h).
Now we're up to "I". That's a hard one. Any takers?
I notice that the writers are doing a pretty close translation. I wonder how close it needs to be? I don't know the answer, but here's a version that is written without 16 letters: w, x, d, j, y, k, h, f, v, m, p, b, q, and z.
"Anger costs. So, I cut out gratuitous anger. Still, it costs!"
James Bach has the right idea (the write idea?).
Meaning is what's important. This exercise, like any writing exercise, is to help you get your meaning across.
But meaning has more than one component. Aside from the literal meaning, there's the emotional impact, the significance that comes across. James's rewrite (redraft, really), carries a different emotional impact than the original. Is it better? That depends on what the intended emotional impact was.
You're right, Jerry, eliminating the i's was a challenge. I knocked out the j's and the k's as well just for relaxation...
"Anger’s a costly luxury for a consultant, and there’s some meanness to my nature. The removal of there-then-them anger reduced my angry outbursts by half. The pattern to the way my anger grows showed me ways to dampen all but ten per cent of the half that was left, so that adverse effects on my consultancy are no longer a problem. That leaves only about 5 percent of my former shows of anger, only one now for twenty before. Although a noteworthy change for the better as regards frequency, an equally noteworthy change for the better to the costs of my anger has not been the result."
I'm a little concerned about the hidden i in 5, but as it was in the original, I thought it would be all right to leave it in.
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